Poor Jack, by Anonymous—A Project Gutenberg eBook

Produced by: Charlene Taylor, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)

“There are some ghosts,” said poor Jack, “that will not easily bear raising....”

Thus am I confounded by words of my own choosing, for in truth I have raised one; and not for me, as for Dame Sylvia, does Chivalry blow upon a silver horn to drown the squeakings of that folly. Which is merely another way of saying that those younglings we two know and love, and who fretted me into the writing of a play for their theatricals, have rejected the outcome after a tentative rehearsal, with certain remarks for my pondering.

Well might that fat whoresome man have been left to the undignified fate his creator had appointed for him!—or at least in the staider trappings wherewith I did gird his behemothian bulk in my story, The Love Letters of Falstaff. Decked for the stage and with bella donna in its eyes, my sketch, they tell me, is a ghastly remains to which the footlights would add but the effect of funeral candles. In fine, that which lacks both plot and action, and offers, in lieu of lusty characters, four gray ghosts, is not a play but an edifying exposé of the pitfalls and snares into which a romancist might be expected to stumble when he dons the habit of a playwright. These and many other plaints which I shall strive to live down in the years before me, conveyed a discomforting unanimity of opinion on the part of my hopeful players.

With such humility as becomes one of our soberer estate in the presence of these, our juniors and betters, I pointed out that it was not my fault, assuredly, that Falstaff was no longer the merry taker of purses whose roaring oaths had filled all Gadshill. Nor that Will had never displayed any very hearty admiration for humanity nor found many more commendable traits in general exercise among its individuals than did the authors of the Bible: a spirit which, however distasteful to my palate, I was obliged in this instance to emulate! Yet I dared think (and my defense grew noticeably weaker under their incredulous stare) that old, gross and decayed as he had grown, the demiurge still clings to the old reprobate; yea, and the aura of divinity to Helen, whose beauty is drifting dust, so that Falstaff sees before him not Sylvia Vernon but Sylvia Darke.

But they had since ceased to listen. Vanished were they like the merry company whose mere names, thought Falstaff, were like a breath of country air. My script lay before me, eloquent in naught but their disillusion. Alone, I thought the fire winked knowingly at me, much like the one I had fanned from the embers of the past, as if it said: How old must a man become ’ere he shall be wise enough to content these sure young critics, so awfully and so inevitably right?

I should have dropped the record of my folly into the flames and so played out the last scene in my puppet’s stead, had I not remembered in time my promise to you. Well!—you had expected to receive it worn from the caresses of eager thumbs, scented perhaps with the bouquet of reverent applause. It comes to you fresh and unmarred by any defacing ardor; only its theme is sere, only its author’s vanity thumb-marked!

And remember: ’tis not a play you give to the world but rather a spirit croaking to itself in a house where nobody has lived for a long time.

(The curtain rises to show the Angel room of the Boar’s Head Tavern in Eastcheap. ’Tis the private parlor of the mistress of the inn, Dame Quickly.

At the back is a high fireplace with heavy leaded diamond paned windows on either side. At the left is the doorway leading to the tap room, on the right a huge clothes press. When our play opens Dame Quickly is demurely stirring the fire while Bardolph is sorting garments which he takes from the press. We hear a quivery voice singing: “Then Came Bold Sir Caradoc” ... and Sir John Falstaff fumbles at the door and enters. It is a Falstaff much broken since his loss of the King’s favor and now equally decayed in wit, health and reputation. His paunch alone remains prosperous and monstrous and contrasts greatly with the shrunken remainder of the man. He is particularly shaky this morning after a night’s hard drinking. Nevertheless he enters with what cheerfulness he can muster.)

[10]

FALSTAFF

(sings) Then came the Bold Sir Caradoc—Ah, Mistress what news?—and eke Sir Pellinore—Did I rage last night, Bardolph? Was I a Bedlamite?

BARDOLPH

As mine own bruises can testify. Had each one of them a tongue they would raise a clamor beside which Babel were an heir weeping for his rich uncle’s death; their testimony would qualify you for any mad-house in England. And if their evidence go against the doctor’s stomach, the watchman at the corner hath three teeth—or rather, hath them no longer, since you knocked them out last night, that will willingly aid him to digest it.

FALSTAFF

(as he stiffly lowers his great body into the great chair that awaits him beside the fire and stretches his hands to catch the heat of the flames.) Three say you? I would have my valor in all men’s mouths, but not in this fashion, for it is too biting a jest. Three, say you? Well, I am glad it was no worse; I have a tender conscience and that mad fellow of the North, Hotspur, sits heavily upon it, so that thus this Percy, being slain by my valor, is[11] per se avenged, a plague upon him! Three, say you? I would to God my name were not so terrible to the enemy as it is; I would I had ’bated my natural inclination somewhat and slain less tall fellows by three score. I doubt Agamemnon slept not well o’ nights. Three, say you? Give the fellow a crown apiece for his mouldy teeth, if thou hast them; if thou hast them not, bid him eschew this vice of drunkenness whereby his misfortune hath befallen him, and thus win him heavenly crowns.

BARDOLPH

Indeed Sir, I doubt....

FALSTAFF

(testily) Doubt not, Sirrah! (He continues more calmly in a virtuous manner) Was not the apostle reproved for that same sin? Thou art a Didymus, Bardolph,—an incredulous paynim, a most unspeculative rogue. Have I carracks trading in the Indies? Have I robbed the exchequer of late? Have I the Golden Fleece for a cloak? Nay, it is a paltry gimlet, and that augurs badly. Why does this knavish watchman take me for a raven to feed him in the wilderness? Tell him that there are no such ravens hereabouts; else I had ravenously limed the house-tops and sets springes in the[12] gutters. Inform him that my purse is no better lined than his own broken skull; it is void as a beggar’s protestations, or a butcher’s stall in Lent; light as a famished gnat, or the sighing of a new-made widower; more empty than a last year’s bird’s nest, than a madman’s eye, or, in fine, than the friendship of a king.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

But you have wealthy friends, Sir John. (She nods her head vigorously) Yes I warrant you Sir John. Sir John, you have a many wealthy friends; you cannot deny that, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

(He cowers closer to the fire as though he were a little cold) I have no friends since Hal is King. I had I grant you, a few score of acquaintances whom I taught to play at dice; paltry young blades of the City, very unfledged juvenals! Setting my knighthood and my valor aside, if I did swear friendship with these, I did swear to a lie. But this is a censorious and muddy-minded world, so that, look you, even these sprouting aldermen, these foul, bacon-fed rogues, have fled my friendship of late, and my reputation hath grown somewhat more murky than Erebus. No matter! I walk alone as one that hath the pestilence. No matter![13] But I grow old, I am not in the vanward of my youth, Mistress.

(He reaches for the cup of sack that Bardolph has poured out and holds on a tray at his elbow.)

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Indeed, I do not know what your worship will do.

FALSTAFF

(Drinks the sack down and grins in a somewhat ghostly fashion) Faith! unless the Providence that watches over the fall of a sparrow hath an eye to the career of Sir John Falstaff, Knight, and so comes to my aid shortly, I must need convert my last doublet into a mask and turn highwayman in my shirt. I can take purses yet, ye Uzzite comforters, as gaily as I did at Gadshill, where that scurvy Poins, and he that is now King, and some twoscore other knaves did afterward assault me in the dark; yet I peppered some of them I warrant you.

BARDOLPH

You must be rid of me then, Master. I for one have no need of a hempen collar.

FALSTAFF

(stretching himself in the chair) I, too, would[14] be loth to break the gallow’s back. For fear of halters, we must alter our way of living; we must live close, Bardolph, till the wars make us Croesuses or food for crows. And if Hal but hold to his bias, there will be wars: I will eat a piece of my sword, if he hath not need of it shortly. Ah, go thy ways, tall Jack; there live not three good men in England and one of them is fat, and grows old. We must live close, Bardolph, we must forswear drinking and wenching! But there is lime in this sack, you rogue, give me another cup.

(Bardolph draws and brings him another cup of sack which he empties at one long draught.)

FALSTAFF

I pray you hostess, remember that Doll Tearsheet sups with me tonight; have a capon of the best and be not sparing of your wine. I will repay you, upon honor, when we young fellows return from France, all laden with rings and brooches and such trumperies like your Norfolkshire pedlars at Christmas-tide. We will sack a town for you, and bring you back the Lord Mayor’s beard to stuff you a cushion; the Dauphin shall be your tapster yet: we will walk on lilies, I warrant you to the tune of “hey then, up go we.”

[15]

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Indeed, Sir, your worship is as welcome to my pantry as the mice—a pox on them—think themselves; you are heartily welcome. Ah, well, old Puss is dead; I had her of Goodman Quickly these ten years since;—but I had thought that you looked for the lady who was here but now;—she was a roaring lion among the mice.

FALSTAFF

(with great animation) What Lady? Was it Flint the Mercer’s wife, think you? Ah, she hath a liberal disposition, and will, without the aid of Prince Houssain’s carpet or the horse of Cambuscan, transfer the golden shining pieces from her husband’s coffers to mine.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

(after due consideration) No mercer’s wife, I think. She came with two patched footmen and smelled of gentility;—Master Dumbleton’s father was a mercer; but he had red hair;—she is old;—and I could never abide red hair.

FALSTAFF

No matter! I can love this lady, be she a very Witch of Endor. Observe what a thing it is to be a proper man, Bardolph! She hath marked me;—in public, perhaps; on the street,[16] it may be;—and then, I warrant you, made such eyes! and sighed such sighs! and lain awake o’ nights, thinking of a pleasing portly gentleman, whom, were I not modesty’s self, I might name;—and I, all this while, not knowing! Fetch me my book of riddles and my sonnets, that I may speak smoothly. Why was my beard not combed this morning? No matter, it will serve. Have I no better cloak than this?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

(who has been looking out of the window) Come, but your worship must begin with unwashed hands, for old Madame Wishfor’t and her two country louts are even now at the door.

FALSTAFF

Avaunt, minions. Avaunt! Conduct the lady hither, hostess; Bardolph another cup of sack. We will ruffle it, lad, and go to France all gold like Midas! Are mine eyes too red? I must look sad, you know, and sigh very pitifully. Ah, we will ruffle it! Another cup of sack, Bardolph;—I am a rogue if I have drunk to-day. And avaunt! vanish! for the lady comes! (He throws himself into what he feels is a gallant attitude, but that is one that suggests to the audience a man suddenly palsied trying[17] to imitate a turkey cock and struts to the door. The lady that enters is on the staider side of sixty, but the years have touched her with unwonted kindliness and her form is still unbent, her countenance, although bloodless and deep furrowed still bears the traces of great beauty and she is unquestionably a person of breeding. Sir John advances to her with his peculiar strut; indubitably he feels himself a miracle of elegance.)

FALSTAFF

See, from the glowing East, Aurora Comes! Madam permit me to welcome you to my poor apartments; they are not worthy....

LADY SYLVIA

I would see Sir John Falstaff, sir.

FALSTAFF

Indeed, Madam, if those bright eyes—whose glances have already cut my poor heart into as many pieces as the man in the front of the almanac—will but desist for a moment from such butcher’s work and do their proper duty, you will have little trouble in finding the bluff soldier you seek.

LADY SYLVIA

Are you Sir John? The son of old Sir Edward Falstaff of Norfolk?

[18]

FALSTAFF

His wife hath frequently assured me so, and to confirm her evidence I have about me a certain villainous thirst that did plague Sir Edward sorely in his lifetime and came to me with his other chattels. The property I have expended long since; but no Jew will advance me a maravedi on the Falstaff thirst. It is a priceless commodity, not to be bought or sold; you might as soon quench it.

LADY SYLVIA

I would not have known you, but, I have not seen you these forty years.

FALSTAFF

Faith, Madam, the great pilferer Time hath taken away a little from my hair, and somewhat added—saving your presence—to my belly; and my face hath not been improved by being the grindstone for some hundred swords. But I do not know you.

LADY SYLVIA

I am Sylvia Vernon. And once years ago I was Sylvia Darke.

FALSTAFF

I remember. (His voice changes, he also loses his strut as he hands Lady Sylvia to the great chair.)

[19]

LADY SYLVIA

(after a long pause) A long time ago. Time hath dealt harshly with us both, John;—the name hath a sweet savor. I am an old woman now. And you?

FALSTAFF

I would not have known you. (Resentfully) What do you here?

LADY SYLVIA

My son goes to the wars and I am come to bid him farewell; yet I should not tarry in London for my lord is feeble and hath constant need of me. But I, an old woman, am yet vain enough to steal these few moments from him who needs me, to see for the last time, mayhap, him who once was my very dear friend.

FALSTAFF

I was never your friend, Sylvia.

LADY SYLVIA

(with a wistful smile) Ah the old wrangle. My dear and very honored lover, then; and I am come to see him here.

FALSTAFF

Ay.... ’Tis a quiet orderly place, where I bestow my patronage; the woman of the house had a husband once in my company. God rest his soul! he bore a good pike. He retired[20] in his old age and ’stablished this tavern where he passed his declining years, till death called him gently away from this naughty world. God rest his soul, say I. (aside) God wot, I cannot tell her that the rogue was knocked over the head with a joint-stool while rifling the pockets of a drunken roisterer!

LADY SYLVIA

And you for old memories’ sake yet aid his widow? That is like you, John. (There is a long silence in which the crackling of the fire can be plainly heard.) And are you sorry that I come again, in a worse body, John, strange and time ruined?

FALSTAFF

Sorry?... No, faith! but there are some ghosts that will not easily bear raising and you have raised one.

LADY SYLVIA

We have summoned up no very fearful spectre, I think. At most no worse than a pallid gentle spirit that speaks—to me at least—of a boy and a girl who loved each other and were very happy a great while ago.

FALSTAFF

And you come hither to seek that boy? The boy that went mad and rhymed of you in those[21] far off dusty years? He is quite dead, my lady, he was drowned, mayhap in a cup of wine; or he was slain, perchance, by some few light women. I know not how he died. But he is quite dead, my lady, and I had not been haunted by his ghost until to-day. (He breaks into a fit of unromantic coughing)

LADY SYLVIA

He was a dear boy. A boy who loved a young maid very truly; a boy that found the maid’s father too strong and shrewd for desperate young lovers—eh, how long ago it seems and what a flood of tears the poor maid shed at being parted from that dear boy.

FALSTAFF

Faith! the rogue had his good points.

LADY SYLVIA

Ah, John, you have not forgotten, I know and you will believe me that I am heartily sorry for the pain I brought into your life.

FALSTAFF

My wounds heal easily—

LADY SYLVIA

For though my dear dead father was too wise for us, and knew it was for the best that I should not accept your love, believe me John, I always knew the value of it and have held it[22] an honor that any woman must prize.

FALSTAFF

Dear Lady, the world is not altogether of your opinion.

LADY SYLVIA

I know not of the world, for we live away from it. But we have heard of you ever and anon; I have your life writ letter perfect these forty years or more.

FALSTAFF

You have heard of me?

LADY SYLVIA

As a gallant and brave soldier. Of how you fought at sea with Mowbray that was afterward Duke of Norfolk; of your knighthood by King Richard; of how you slew the Percy at Shrewsbury; and captured Coleville o’ late in Yorkshire; and how the prince, that is now King, did love you above all other men; and in fine, of many splendid doings in the great world.

FALSTAFF

I have fought somewhat. But we are not Bevis of Southampton; we have slain no giants. Have you heard naught else?

LADY SYLVIA

Little else of note. But we are very proud of[23] you at home in Norfolk. And such tales as I have heard I have woven together in one story; and I have told it many times to my children as we sat on the old Chapel steps at evening and the shadows lengthened across the lawn, and I bid them emulate this, the most perfect knight and gallant gentleman I have ever known. And they love you, I think, though but by repute.

(There is another long silence, finally—)

FALSTAFF

Do you still live at Winstead?

LADY SYLVIA

Yes, in the old house. It is little changed, but there are many changes about.

FALSTAFF

Is Moll yet with you that did once carry our letters?

LADY SYLVIA

Married to Hodge, the tanner, and dead long since.

FALSTAFF

And all our merry company? Marian? and Tom and little Osric? And Phyllis? and Adelais? Zounds, it is like a breath of country air to speak their names once more.

[24]

LADY SYLVIA

(She speaks in a hushed voice) All dead save Adelais and even to me poor Adelais seems old and strange. Walter was slain in the French wars and she hath never married.

FALSTAFF

All dead.... This same death hath a wide maw. It is not long before you and I, my lady, will be at supper with the worms. But you at least have had a happy life?

LADY SYLVIA

I have been content enough, but all that seems run by; for, John, I think that at our age we are not any longer very happy, or very miserable.

FALSTAFF

Faith! we are both old; and I had not known it, my lady until to-day.

(Again silence. Finally Lady Sylvia rises with a start.)

LADY SYLVIA

I would I had not come.

FALSTAFF

Nay, this is but a feeble grieving you have awakened. For, madam, you whom I loved once—you are in the right. Our blood runs[25] thinner than of yore; and we may no longer, I think, either rejoice or sorrow very deeply.

LADY SYLVIA

It is true.... I must go ... and indeed I would to God, that I had not come. (Falstaff bows his head and remains silent. Presently she goes on) Yet, there is something here which I must keep no longer; for here are all the letters you ever writ me. (She hands him a little packet. He turns them awkwardly in his hands once or twice; stares at them and then at her.)

FALSTAFF

You have kept them—always?

LADY SYLVIA

Yes, but I must not be guilty of continuing such follies. It is a villainous example to my grandchildren.... Farewell.

(Falstaff draws close to her and takes both her hands in his. He looks her in the eyes and draws himself very erect.)

FALSTAFF

How I loved you!

LADY SYLVIA

I know and I thank you for your gift, my lover, O brave, true lover, whose love I was not ever ashamed to own! Farewell, my dear, yet a little[26] while, and I go to seek the boy and girl we know of.

FALSTAFF

I shall not be long, madam. Speak a kind word for me in Heaven; for I have sore need of it.

LADY SYLVIA

(By this time she has reached the door) You are not sorry that I came?

FALSTAFF

There are many wrinkles now in your dear face, my lady, the great eyes are a little dimmed, and the sweet laughter is a little cracked; but I am not sorry to have seen you thus. For I have loved no woman truly save you alone; and I am not sorry. Farewell. (He bends over and reverently kisses her fingers. Then she leaves as quietly as a cloud passes.)

FALSTAFF

(he goes back to the chair by the fire and sits at ease) Lord, Lord, how subject we old men are to the vice of lying.... Yet it was not all a lie;—but what a coil over a youthful greensickness ’twixt a lad and a wench more than forty years syne.... I might have had money of her for the asking, yet I am glad I did not; which is a parlous sign and smacks[27] of dotage.... Were it not a quaint conceit, a merry tickle-brain of Fate that this mountain of malmsey were once a delicate stripling with apple cheeks and a clean breath, smelling of civit and as mad for love, I warrant you as any Amadis of them all? For, if a man were to speak truly, I did love her. I had special marks of the pestilence. Not all the flagons and apples in the universe might have comforted me; I was wont to sigh like a leaky bellows; to weep like a wench that is lost of her granddam; to lard my speech with the fagends of ballads like a man milliner; and did indeed indite sonnets, cazonets and what not of mine own elaboration.... And Moll did carry them, plump, brown-eyed Moll that hath married Hodge, the tanner and reared her tannikins and died long since.

Lord, Lord, what did I not write (He draws a paper from the packet and leaning over deciphers the faded writing by the fire light.)

Have pity, Sylvia! Cringing at thy door

Entreats with dolorous cry and clamoring

That mendicant who quits thee nevermore;

Now winter chills the world, and no birds sing

[28]

In any woods, yet as in wanton Spring

He follows thee; and never will have done

Though nakedly he die, from following

Whither thou leadest. Canst thou look upon

His woes and laugh to see a goddess’ son

Of wide dominion, and in strategy

More strong than Jove, more wise than Solomon,

Inept to combat thy severity?

Have pity Sylvia! And let Love be one

Among the folk that bear thee company.

Is it not the very puling speech of your true lover? Faith, Adam Cupid, hath forsworn my fellowship long since; he hath no score chalked up against him at the Boar’s Head Tavern; or if he have, I doubt not the next street beggar might discharge it.

And she hath commended me to her children as a very gallant gentleman and a true knight. Jove that sees all hath a goodly commodity of mirth; I doubt not his sides ache at times, as if they had conceived another wine-god. “Among the folk that bear thee company” Well well, it was a goodly rogue that wrote it, though the verse runs but lamely! A goodly rogue.

[29]

(Bardolph steals back into the room.)

BARDOLPH

Well, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

(He addresses Bardolph. As the speech goes on Bardolph’s jaw drops lower and lower as he gapes his astonishment) Look you, he might have lived cleanly and forsworn sack, he might have been a gallant gentleman and begotten grandchildren and had a quiet nook at the ingleside to rest his old bones; but he is dead long since. He might have writ himself armigero in many a bill or obligation or quittance or what not; he might have left something behind him save unpaid tavern bills; he might have heard cases, harried poachers and quoted old saws; and slept in his own family chapel through sermons yet unwrit, beneath his presentment, done in stone, and a comforting bit of Latin but he is dead long since.

(Mistress Quickly too steals in.)

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Well, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

(Continues his meditation, unaware of them) Zooks, I prate like a death’s head. A thing done hath an end, God have mercy on us all![30] And I will read no more of the rubbish. (He casts the papers into the heart of the fire; they blaze up and he watches them burn to the last spark. Then he gives himself a mighty shake) A cup of sack to purge the brain! And I will go sup with Doll Tearsheet.

(The curtain falls quickly, it also is happy the play hath ended.)

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

Sir John Falstaff	Sometime friend to H. M. Henry V
Bardolph	His serving man
Dame Quickly	Mistress of the Boar’s Head Inn
Lady Sylvia Vernon	She that was Sylvia Darke

POOR JACK

CAST