This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
Title: Rubáiyát of a Motor Car
Author: Carolyn Wells
Release Date: January 28, 2016 [eBook #51064]
Language: English
Character set encoding: UTF-8
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RUBáIYáT OF A MOTOR CAR***
| Note: | Images of the original pages are available through Internet Archive/American Libraries. See https://archive.org/details/rubiytofmoto00well |
Rubáiyát of a
Motor Car
By
Carolyn Wells
Author of
Idle Idyls, Folly For The Wise,
A Nonsense Anthology, &c.
With illustrations by
Frederick Strothmann
New York
Dodd, Mead Company
1906
Copyright, 1906, By The Curtis Publishing Company
Copyright, 1906, By Dodd, Mead and Company
Published, March, 1906
¶To the crank that
makes the machine go
Wake! For the “Honk,” that scatters into flight
The Hens before it in a Flapping Fright,
Drives straight up to your Door, and bids you Come
Out for a Morning Hour of Sheer Delight!
Come, fill the Tank, adjust the Valve and Spring,
Your Automobile Garments 'round you Fling;
The Bird Of Time wants but to get away;
(I think that name’s a rather Clever Thing!)
And as the Corkscrew drawing out the Cork,
I crank my Car and try to make it work.
You know how little while we have to Ride;
And once departed, may go to New York.
Whether at Naishápúr or Babylon,
Whether the Car shall jerk or sweetly run,
The Wine of Life is in a Motor Trip,
(Though all the Parts keep breaking One by One!)
Why, if the Soul can know this Glorious Game,
All other Stunts seem dry and dull and tame;
This is the ultimate, triumphant Joy,
Automobile Elation is its Name!
Would you your last remaining Thousands spend
About the Secret? Quick about it, Friend!
A Hair perhaps divides This Make from That—
And on that Hair, prithee, may Life depend!
Now the New Year reviving old Desires,
The thoughtful Soul to Catalogues retires;
He scorns his Last Year’s Runabout, and to
The Newest, Biggest Touring Car aspires!
Each Year a Hundred Models brings, you say;
Yes, but who buys the Car of Yesterday?
And every Mail brings in New Catalogues
That make a Last Year’s Model fade away!
Waste not your Hour nor in the Vain pursuit
Of Demonstrators who will loud Dispute;
“This one is Best, because it’s painted Red!”
“That One, because it has a Louder Toot!”
’Tis only a Beginner, young and green,
Who Thinks he wants an Odorless Machine;
What Fragrance is to Rose or Violet,
So to the Motor-Car is Gasolene.
Some advocate Gear-Driven Cars, and Some
Sigh for a Jockey-pulley yet to come;
Oh, crank your Car, and let the old thing Go!
Nor heed the Brake upon your Sprocket Drum.
’Tis but a Toy on which one spends a Pile,
And Brags about it for a Little While;
Ambition rises—and the Foolish Man
Sighs, and prepares to buy Another Style.
They say The Lion and The Lizard keep
The Record for Hill-climbing, rough and steep;
I do not know those Makes. I’ll hunt them up.
I’d like to Buy one, if they’re not too Cheap.
You know, my Friends, with what a Brave Carouse
I put a Second Mortgage on my House
So I could buy a Great Big Touring-Car,
And run down Chickens, Dogs, and even Cows!
For it my Future Income did I owe,
And with mine own Hand wrought to make it go;
And this was all the Wisdom that I reap’d—
“We cost like Thunder and like Lightning go!”
And those “Accessories” Advertisements
That offer you Supplies at slight Expense;
You read them over, and they always make
Your own Belongings look like Thirty Cents.
Look to the Blowing Horn before us—“Lo,”
“Gaily,” it says, “Into the World I blow!”
Behold its lovely Bulb, and Sweet-toned Reed,—
(The most Expensive in the Garden Show!)
I had to have a Snakeskin Auto-Coat,
A Leather Foot-Muff, lined with Thibet Goat;
A Steering-Apron, and a Sleeping-Bag;
For these things Help a Motorer to Mote.
And then my Luncheon-Kit, and Hamper, swell,
Robbed me of Many a Hard-Earned Dollar! Well,
I often wonder what the Dealers buy
One-half so Easy as the Folks they Sell.
Myself when Young, did eagerly frequent
Garage and Club, and heard Great Argument
About it and about,—yet evermore
Came out more Addled than when in I went.
Indeed, with my big Car I’ve run so long
It seems to me there’s Always something Wrong;
Faulty Ignition, or a Blown Out Shoe,
Or maybe the Compression is too Strong.
Then to the Laughing Face that lurks behind
The Veil, I lifted up mine Eyes to find
Two pouting Lips, demurely murmuring,
“I don’t see why you Ever bought This Kind!”
Indeed, I’ve learned to treat it as a Joke
When Nuts work loose, or Carburetors choke;
And then, and then—the Spring, and then the Belt,
A Punctured Tire, or Change-Speed Lever broke!
A Look of Anguish underneath the Car,
Another Start,—a Squeak,—a Grunt,—a Jar!
The Aspiration Pipe is working loose!
The Vapor can’t get out! And there you are!
For I remember Stopping by the Way
To tinker up the old Machine one day,
And with a Reckless and Unbridled Tongue,
I muttered,—Well, I Wouldn’t like to say!
Why, even Saints and Sages would have cuss’d
If, speeding through the World, their Tires had Bust!
Like Foolish People now, whose words of Scorn
Are utter’d while their Mouths are Stopt with Dust.
When suddenly, an Angel Shape was seen
Approaching in an Up-to-date Machine,
Bearing a Vessel which he offered me,
And bid me smell of it. ’Twas Gasolene!
The Stuff that can with Logic Absolute
The Two-and-Seventy Jarring Parts confute;
The Sovereign Alchemist that in a trice
A Drop of Oil will into Power transmute.
Whose Secret presence through the Motor’s Veins
Running Quicksilver-like defies our pains;
Cutting up tricks from here to Jericho,—
We try to start the Car,—but it Remains!
Strange, is it not, that of the Myriads who
Have Empty Tanks and know not what to do,
Not one will Tell of it when he Returns!
As for Ourselves,—why, we Deny it too.
What! Out of Oily Nothing to invoke
A Powerful Something, born of Fire and Smoke!
An Unremitting Pleasure, if it goes;
An Everlasting Worriment, if broke.
We are no other than a Moving Row
Of Automobile Cranks that come and go.
And what with Goggles and Tale-windowed Veils,
In Motoring Get-up, we’re a Holy Show!
But helpless Pieces of the Game bestowed
Upon the Checker-board of Hill and Road;
Hither and Thither moved and sped and stopped,
And One by One back to the Garage towed.
The Car no Question makes of Ayes or Noes,
But Here or There as strikes its Fancy goes.
But the Bystander, offering Advice,
He knows about it all—He knows—He Knows!
And if in Vain down on the Stubborn Floor
Of Earth you lie. And weary, cramped and sore,
You gaze to-day; you may be jolly sure
To-morrow ’twill be worse than ’twas before!
Yesterday’s Troubles made you Mad for fair.
To-morrow’s Trials too, will make you Swear.
Crank! For you know not What’s the hitch nor Why!
Crank! For you know not When you go, nor Where!
Each Morn a Thousand Troubles cause Delay.
Yes: but you left Some unfixed Yesterday;
And this first Impulse that should bring the Spark—
Confound this old Igniter, Anyway!
You Thaw your Freezeless Circulation first;
Then mend your Puncture Proof Tire where it Burst.
Helpless you Skid upon your Anti-Skids,
But Starting a Self-Starter is the Worst!
Perhaps you get out your Repairing-Kit,
And try to Regulate the Thing a bit;
You test the Coil, adjust the Shifting-Gear,—
And then it Goes? Not so you’d Notice it!
And that Inverted Man, who seems to lie
Upon the Ground, and Squints with Practis’d Eye.
Lift not your Hands to him for Help. For he
As impotently works as you or I.
Ah, Love, could You and I with him conspire
To Fix this Sorry Scheme of Things entire,
Would we not take it all apart, and then
Remodel with no danger of Back-Fire?
Ah, make the most of Time we yet may spend
Before we too, into the Dust descend;
Dust unto Dust. Under the Car to lie,
Sans Coat, sans Breath, sans Temper, and—sans Friend!
And that Reviving Herb, whose Tender Green
Upon the Julep Cup is sometimes seen,
Ah, interview it lightly, for you know
You’ll need your Wits to manage your Machine.
Ah, my Beloved, fill the Lamps that shed
A steady Searchlight on our Path ahead;
To-morrow!—Why, To-morrow I may be
Myself with Yesterday’s Seven Thousand Dead.
Why, if your Car can fling the Dust aside,
And flying, through the Air of Heaven ride,
Were’t not a Shame, were’t not a Shame, I say,
Within Speed Limit, tamely to abide?
What! Without asking, stop our Speed immense?
And, without asking, Jailward hurried hence!
Oh, many a Cop of this Forbidding Mien,
Must rue the Memory of his Insolence!
And fear not lest a Smashup closing My
Account and Yours, Machines no more shall fly;
The Eternal Motorist has ever bought
Millions of Bubbles like ours, and will buy.
I sometimes think that every Shining Star
Is but the Tail Lamp of a Motor Car;
Which leap’d from Earth in its mad Ecstasy,
And into Space went Speeding Fast and Far.
And this I know. Though in a Magazine
Perfectly-running Motor Cars I’ve seen,
It’s quite a Different Proposition when
They’re on the Road, and filled With Gasolene!
The Moving Motor speeds, and having Sped,
Moves on. Nor all the Cries and Shrieks of Dread
Shall lure it back to settle Damage Claims;
Not even if the Victims are Half Dead!
And when at Last you’ve mastered Belts and Bolts,
When with no fear of Side-Slips, Jars or Jolts,
Your Sixty H. P. Racer licks up Miles
At Lightning Speed,—turn on a few more Volts!
Then in your Glorious Success exult!
When your Car plunges like a Catapult,
Sit tight! Hold hard! Pass Everything in Sight!
And you will be Surprised at the Result!
Transcriber’s Note:
Spelling, punctuation and hyphenation have been retained as in the original publication.
***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RUBáIYáT OF A MOTOR CAR***
******* This file should be named 51064-h.htm or 51064-h.zip *******
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/0/6/51064
Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will be renamed.
Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.
To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg-tm License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided that
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and The Project Gutenberg Trademark LLC, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain "Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
The Foundation's principal office is in Fairbanks, Alaska, with the mailing address: PO Box 750175, Fairbanks, AK 99775, but its volunteers and employees are scattered throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
[email protected]
Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate
Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.